um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
