i barfeds in our rink
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
