i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
