remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
