i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All the doctor said was why
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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