I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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