it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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