i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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