The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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