There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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