so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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