I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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