I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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