i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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