I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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