whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
