when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
