i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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