i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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