therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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