Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
