Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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