She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize