I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
