be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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