I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
