Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
