Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im part way to drunk.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
