She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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