Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
