We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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