I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
