Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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