I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
