it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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