we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
