So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
