I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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