***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
