i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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