She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
