i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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