This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
