Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
