So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
