So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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