Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
