he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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