There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
