the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
