You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
