So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
