i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
