Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
