We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
