People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
