Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
