How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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