new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
