A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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