hotel room ftw
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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