The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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